Hello all, Cydi here. I just want to say first of how proud I am to be almost at my quarter of a century mark. Blessed to be alive.
Sooooo…. I am 24 going on 25, BUT, I’m still in the basement of my parent’s home. Darn. BUT, that’s nothing to feel bad about. I used to beat myself down about this. I so badly wanted to move out at 22 right after college, but found myself stuck in complacency for years physically and mentally. It’s that hybrid millenial-Gen Z struggle; The struggle of finding meaning and sense in a world full of boundless options, and luxurious labels and titles; Adulting in this ever so fast-growing world has beat me down bloody to be honest. But, I can tell you now I’m MOVING OUT! Ishhh.
I lacked direction. I lacked purpose. I lacked self-love.
I grew out of my old labels; college student, president of my college club, and a leader on campus. I Initially soaked in a warm small pond, but was thrown abruptly into a huge cold ocean called the “REAL ADULT WORLD,” and I had no idea how to survive or thrive there. I lost all my labels and identities that validated me as worthy and enough. I kept trying to re-define myself or retain some parts of me I once had, but I found myself giving up easily when faced with constant nos and rejections. So, I went and sought validation from unhealthy people.
GLADLY, that whole big high intensity crisis is over for the most part.
I took on the motto Wabi Sabi since 2016, but started to consciously incorporate it into my daily life just only this year. Things are finally looking up for me. My first step to freedom. MOVING OUT.
Well kinda. My mom and I are renovating the basement into my own studio. Yay! Yep. I’m paying rent, pet rent, and we’re writing a whole contract. It’s ALMOST the real deal. I’m making moves. Yes!
Truth be told, I want to be free as a bird and COMPLETELY move out, but my finances tell me otherwise. Another downer, but I realize to not be so hard on myself and take what is given to me and shed light to it. I made the crucial decision to stay with my parents until I finish my massage program. I know others do not have the privilege like I do to stay home. I do feel extremely blessed and grateful to have parents who are supporting me.
Healing, re-discovering, and learning to truly invest and love yourself takes time and patience.
I believe everyone has their own story and their own journey, and it took me three years to finally pick up momentum onto my rightful path. This is my story and I want to create my chapters in full vivid images. I’m at a great time in my life, though I always strive for better, for more, but whose to say when I get there, I’ll actually be happy? I’ve learned to really take each day at a time, and try my best to enjoy the process versus always focusing on the end goal.
I NEED to relax.
I need to enjoy the moment. I need to stop rushing to the future. I catch myself all the time already imagining how my new little basement studio will look like, already decorated and renovated; I’m already thinking of the possibilities after my massage program is over, which means……. 2020 will be over. SLOWW DOWN CYDI. I feel the positive changes happening. I have to trust in the process.
I’m working on my addiction to being productive and self-blame for not reaching my unrealistic expectations for myself. I am learning. I am reflecting.
So friends! Just give me like 2 months. This homey studio of mines will soon be ready for gatherings! (of course taking in account of Covid-19). I am on the journey to adulting and healing. I am craving to LIVE and striving for PURPOSE, GENUINE LOVE, AND FREEDOM. And I know I’ll get there with the steps I’m taking. If you’re going through the same crisis, I know you can embark on your journey too and succeed in the end.
It’s like Telling Ghandi to be like Barack Obama.
Never compare yourself to someone else’s success. You have your own special qualities and unique path in life. Everyone’s greatest life and purpose looks different yet equally valuable. Don’t sit on the life you want. Dream it into reality. Manifest it.
2020 is almost half way done. And I have been blessed with so many treats and opportunities. This is only the beginning because my body and heart continues to tell me there is still something I’m not catching on to. As I continue, I hope I’ll be able to discover what that is. There has been so many significant moments in 2020 already, so let’s continue on this journey. I’m Livin’ Wabi Sabi.
Peace and Love