I observe how my loved ones fill their emptiness with alcohol, drugs, and temporary thrills. I find myself unconsciously going out, drinking and partying in attempt to fill the incompleteness inside of me. I see wonderful women and men fill their emptiness with the company of unimportant bachelors/bachelorettes, throwing themselves at strangers, and even hooking up with someone just to “feel” something.
Living on this earth for 23 years, I’ve experienced the beautiful and corruptness of human beings. Most importantly, I’ve experienced it in myself. There was always this emptiness inside me that I always searched to fill.
I filled it with boyfriends, alcohol, clubbing, committing to various belong groups. I’ve tried so many things to see which circle I belonged to that it honestly would take me forever to list. But at the end of it all, when I’m in my bed, I still felt Empty.
I felt empty all through out my life, wondering where I belonged to. What was I meant to do on this earth? My college years was the best and loneliest years of my life. If you’ve ever felt this way you know exactly how it feels, to be around people you love but still feel unhappy. If you are confused and conflicted to why you feel this way too, continue reading. I’ll spill 3 potential reasons and also tell you what you can do to be more conscious in your decisions to reach your true fulfillment.
The question is, why do we feel so empty?
1. You may be trying to find fulfillment in external things
Whether it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend, drugs, those flashy shoes you bought, belong groups, or skills, if you try to find fulfillment in outside things, you will never be fully complete. Haven’t you seen famous movie and pop stars fall straight to the dumps and even ending their own lives? You wonder, wow, Michael Jackson HAS to be happy. He is extremely talented, he’s got money and fame. Yet, he overdosed on pills back in 2009 (RIP to the King of Pop). No matter how much money, cars, and talent you have, you can still be unhappy. As I will continue to stress, fulfillment starts from within yourself, not from with-out. When you try to fill your emptiness with these things, you find yourself needing more and more of it, but at the end of it, you will be left worse than how you started.
Also, don’t run into the arms of someone else, (especially someone who caused harm and heartache to you) when you feel lonely, empty, or itchy for some lovin. It’s a self-discipline to be still and run into your own arms. It is up to you and only you to be fulfilled. I believe having faith in whatever Being, universe you believe in and trusting yourself that you are capable to achieve anything and everything is the way to go. I’m not saying don’t have friends or don’t work on your skills. Those are important things to us as human beings; being skilled at something and belonging to a group meet certain needs we have, but to be complete and whole, it starts within you. Look within you. Look within for answers to your questions. You may be surprised on what you find.
2. You haven’t found your mothership
Have you ever read that book about the little duckling that goes around asking every animal if they were his mother; that’s you and me. When I mean mothership I mean finding the right group to belong. Like I said it is very important to belong to a group. You know you’ve found your mothership when you can be yourself, you feel supported, and these mentors and friends push you to be a better person. During my college years, I involved myself in a bunch of extra-curricular activities; modeling, clubs, filming, dancing, political campaigns, and because I did that, this little duckling was a step closer to finding her mother. College was the loneliest yet most productive years of my life. I was a student leader on campus, so I constantly masked a smile on my face for my colleagues, but on the inside, I was hurting, incomplete and in searching. But, it’s not an easy road when you are on the journey to fulfillment. Trust me, it’s a mountainous roller coaster. I say, no fear. If you have one itch in your heart to do or try something, like Nike says “Just Do It.” That honestly is my life motto to reach fulfillment. You can read my story here about 21 when I auditioned for my first dance company. Maybe it will give you motivation to pursue your innermost dreams.
3. You may be listening to others and your thoughts instead of your inner self
You need to distinguish what your real wants and dreams are and your true self versus what your mind and others are feeding you. Take this for example; if you ever wanted to dance or sing on stage, but your mind says “Oh I’m not good enough?” “What if people laugh at me?” “What if I mess up?” That is not the real you, that is your EGO trying to discourage you to reach your true self. Another part is, the people around you, especially family. They may be completely different from you, but because you are with them so much, you take on their habits and their lifestyle, and you may be completely ignoring your life purpose. I challenge you to look within yourself, feel in your heart and soul what you were meant to be on this earth, and though your family persuades you differently, know what is speaking inside of you and follow that instinct. I know I’ve come a long way breaking tradition in my home. You can read my article here about all the rebellious things I did: Poj Laib (Bad) Hmong girl: Just Do It, though some were mistakes and some were successes!
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Check out my video on my experience auditioning for the Timberwolves Dance Team: My personal journey to advancing as a dancer and taking risks to be the best that I can be.
Photo Credits toMally Yang
Wabi Sabi is a passionate writer and performative artist, who wants to utilize her talent to educate, awaken, and inspire you to find your truest, best, positive version of yourself.
She is driven to create works that will inspire us as human beings in this beautiful home we call earth, to be happier, healthier and aunthentic individuals.